Angel Boy OLD Version
by IndigoCaress
Summary: Chapter 12 now up! Victoria muses about Simon and her past...Please RR! Thanks!
1. Mom's Journal

Angel Boy  
Chapter 1/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star   
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, but as a writer I claim the right to alter facts and fill in blanks as needed...such as Simon's middle name (and where it came from) and birthday...Can't remember if either have been documented on the show and can't find any reliable info on the web, so...I'm making it, and other things, up as I go. Please don't sue me. I'm writing only for fun.   
  
  
Chapter 1: Mom's Journal  
  
I found my mother's diary. Not just any diary. The one she kept the year she was pregnant with me. I knew I shouldn't read it, but I couldn't stop myself, once I realized what it was.   
  
My mother's private thoughts about me, growing inside her.  
  
Dad would be in meetings all day at the church. Mom had taken Ruthie and the twins to visit Mrs. Bink, and afterwards they were meeting Lucy and Kevin for dinner at some fancy restaurant. I could meet them too, if I wanted to. Suddenly I didn't want to.  
  
I forced myself to read from the beginning, since I couldn't force myself to put the book down. She started with the unconfirmed feeling that she was pregnant, had to be pregnant. She was nauseous, like all the other times. She was tired, her ankles swollen, her appetite erratic and unpredictable. She craved pickles and Rocky Road ice cream.  
  
A visit to the doctor confirmed she was, in fact, pregnant.  
  
I would be the fourth Camden child born to my parents. A boy and two girls preceded me. Mom wanted another boy, so Matt wouldn't feel so alone. She worried about him, especially in his teenaged years, if he had three younger sisters. He was too feminine as it was. He needed a brother. A few days after that confession, she recanted, said she didn't care what the baby was, as long as it was healthy.  
  
She documented all her doctor visits, and everything about the pregnancy. I knew what day she had first felt me move inside her, and how beautiful the moment was sharing my fluttering kicks with her husband. They had made sweet, passionate love that night; something I didn't particularly care to know. So uncomfortable, to think of my parents having sex.  
  
In August, she wrote about two heart beats. Two babies. Twins. I double checked that she was writing about me, being pregnant with me, not Sam and David. August, 1985. Definitely me. Twins?   
  
I stopped reading and pondered the idea. Did I have a twin? What happened to him? He must have died. But I would know. Mom and Dad would have told me. They couldn't keep a secret like that. They wouldn't keep a secret like that.  
  
So the doctor had to be wrong.   
  
She wrote about the other children nearly every day. She wrote about Matt's struggles at school, Mary's kindergarten scuffles, and Lucy moping through the days at home alone, without her siblings. Most days she felt too heavy and bloated to do much with the kids. Dad cooked dinner when he came home from the church, Dad bathed the kids and put them to bed. Most nights she was in bed long before they were, too fat and tired to do anything but sleep.  
  
The entries all sounded alike. I had no patience to read every word. I wanted to know about my twin.  
  
I skimmed the pages, until the beginning of February.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~  
February 8, 1986  
It's time. I've been through this before, I know the signs. I'll go to the hospital tomorrow, or maybe in the middle of the night. The Colonel and Ruth are here to stay with the kids.   
  
Eric is already asleep. I wish I could be that relaxed. Something just doesn't feel right. I'm afraid something is wrong, or will go wrong with the babies. Dear God, I don't know if I could handle that.  
  
I know I should just be grateful for the three beautiful children I have, and I am. I am so grateful. I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are such a blessing, I love them all so much. And I love these babies still inside me too. And something is wrong. I know it, I can feel it. I just don't know what it is.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~  
  
The handwriting declined steadily until it looked like random lines.   
  
Three weeks passed before there was another entry. The letters seemed different, written with an unsteady hand.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~  
February 26, 1986  
I have just fed Simon for the first time from my breast. I'd forgotten how much it hurts. His grip brought tears to my eyes and I nearly couldn't take it. My nipples are so sensitive from the pump. I'll suffer the pain. Any pain, for him.   
  
Dr. Harris said he might have to go back on the feeding tube, if he has any trouble eating. I don't know if I can handle that again. I couldn't hold him for two and a half weeks. Two and a half excruciating weeks. When I could see him, in that P-ICU incubator with tubes and wires, monitoring his every breath and movement, I wanted to die. I would have died to end his suffering.  
  
He's such a little baby, so small, so weak. Barely four pounds now. Dr. Harris assured me most twins are born at a low birth rate. Simon had been born just under three and a half pounds. Joshua had weighed less than three.   
  
Joshua lived seventeen minutes. Seventeen beautiful, and yet painful minutes. The most painful seventeen minutes of my life. We knew he was dying. Dr. Harris told us there was no point putting him on the machines. He might live an hour, maybe two. Maybe a day or a week on the ventilator. But why put a newborn through that when he was born brain dead and unable to live for long?  
  
The decision had been the hardest choice I ever made.  
  
I held him in my arms, with Eric's arms around both of us. Crying. Kissing him, whispering to him, telling him in seventeen minutes how much we loved him.   
  
Simon had more fight in him. The nurse Lillian held him for me to kiss his red cheeks before she whisked him away to an ICU bed. As Joshua took his last breath, I swore to him we would take care of his brother. Simon would live, of that I was sure.  
  
And he did. He's thriving. Stronger every day. He's gained nearly a pound, and he's gotten bigger. Of course the real test begins today, his first day off the feeding tube.  
  
So far so good.  
  
Welcome to the world, Simon Joshua Camden. My Angel Boy.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My hands were trembling. I felt sick. A twin. Like Sam and David. I should have had a brother. Joshua.   
  
Seventeen minutes. He had lived seventeen minutes.  
  
I set the book down gently and lumbered to my feet. I felt...heavy. Like I couldn't move. My brother. My twin brother. Seventeen minutes.   
  
Were we fraternal like Sam and David, or identical? Identical. I just knew it. Somehow. We were identical.  
  
I ran to the bathroom, barely made it to the toilet. Seventeen minutes.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End part one. I have to say, this is not what I expected when I started this fic. I just love it when the characters pull a fast one on me and totally alter the direction I was thinking when I started a piece. But here it is. I hope you like it. Installment two should be posted soon...So stay tuned!   
Please R/R and let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	2. Sweet Oblivion

Angel Boy  
Chapter 2/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star   
  
  
Chapter 2: Sweet Oblivion  
  
I would never look at them the same again. My parents. Liars. How could they keep that secret from me? A twin. Not just a brother. A twin. Like Sam and David. They see me with the twins, holding them, playing with them, fascinated by them. How could they keep this a secret? Why didn't they tell me?  
  
That's what upsets me most. Why didn't they tell me? How could they justify not telling me? How could they live with themselves, knowing what they knew? Knowing where my emptiness came from?  
  
I stared at the glass of whiskey in front of me. Tipped it from side to side, watching the amber liquid swish around the inside the glass. My parents would kill me if they knew what I was doing, what I was thinking.  
  
I could drink it. The buzz would hit me, and I wouldn't think about Mom's journal or my dead twin brother anymore.   
  
Or I could toss it down the sink. There would be no sweet oblivion, as Connor called it when he gave me the bottle. No dulling of thought, no peacefulness.   
  
I knew which I preferred and I kicked the glass back, drained it quickly. Happy raised her head, gave a little sigh. I rubbed her with my foot to settle her.  
  
My parents would kill me if they knew what I was doing. And I didn't care. Let them find me passed out drunk in the kitchen. No punishment could be worse than knowing what I know. My whole life was a lie.  
  
I'll never be able to look at my parents the same again.  
  
I wish I never had to see them ever again. Any of them. My parents, Matt, Mary, Lucy, Ruthie, and especially the twins. I wondered if Matt and Mary and Lucy knew about my twin. They were old enough then to remember something so significant. Had they lied too, all these years?  
  
I will never forgive them if they have.  
  
Connor promised sweet oblivion in the whiskey. Instead my thoughts seemed sharper, more aware. I wondered if he would have been Joshua, or Josh. Probably Josh. And he would have been popular, one of the cool kids at school. Like Connor.   
  
Connor never said anything about puking. Or blurry vision, or feeling dizzy when I tried to stand up, or the floor rushing up to meet me.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
My head hurt. Hurt so bad I wanted to die. Someone please, put a pillow over my face and let me die.  
  
I didn't want to open my eyes. The room was spinning.  
  
I must have moaned, because someone sat on the edge of the bed and I felt a hand on my forehead. "How do you feel?"  
  
Kevin? I cracked one eye open. He was a blur, but definitely Kevin. "Dead."  
  
"I'm sure." Kevin stood up. "How much did you drink?"  
  
"Not enough."  
  
I heard his feet move across the floor. "Lucy and I found you in the kitchen. You're lucky your mom decided to stop at the store on her way home. Lucy cleaned up the mess, so you owe her big time."  
  
"Gee, thanks." I'm not sure why I was being so sarcastic. I know Lucy and Kevin only wanted to help and I should be grateful, not rude and unappreciative. I guess because I felt so miserable, I just wanted to curl up and die.  
  
I knew Kevin wouldn't let that happen.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"My apartment. Lucy thought it would be best to bring you here. So your mother doesn't have to know what happened tonight."  
  
I would have rolled my eyes if my head didn't hurt so bad.   
  
"So come on. You stink. You need a shower."  
  
"No."  
  
"I'm not asking, Simon."  
  
"And I didn't ask for your help, Kevin."  
  
"Look, Simon. Lucy is worried about you. You gave her quite a scare. When we opened that door and you were laying on the floor like that, she thought you were dead."  
  
"I wish I was." I said simply, and I meant it. A face very much like my own swam in front of my eyes. Josh would be so ashamed of me and what I have done tonight.   
  
I sensed Kevin shake his head. I didn't dare look at him. "You don't mean that."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because...Because I just know." He sounded weak, like he could cry.   
  
I sighed, tried not to think of Josh again. "You don't know anything, Kevin."  
  
"I know you need a shower. So come on. I'll help you up. Then you can call your mom and tell her you're staying up here with me tonight."  
  
I grit my teeth. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to take a shower. I certainly didn't want to call my mom. "Leave me alone, Kevin."  
  
"It's too late for that, Simon." He pulled me to sitting up and caught me against his shoulder when my head fell forward. I took a deep breath, trying not to puke again, but I could feel the bile rising and I knew I couldn't keep it down.  
  
Kevin didn't lose a beat. He lifted me off the bed and carried me to the bathroom. "Now you really need a shower."  
  
I felt the hot sting of tears on my cheeks. So much for sweet oblivion.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End chapter two. Please let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	3. Wandering

Angel Boy  
Chapter 3/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star   
  
Chapter 3: Wandering  
  
Escaping from Alcatraz had to be easier than getting out of Kevin's apartment. The floor creaked, the door over the steps moaned. I held my breath, willed Kevin to stay asleep. He had to be awake, he couldn't possibly sleep through all the creaking and groaning. He didn't move. His chest rose in an even rhythm. Maybe he's a heavy sleeper.  
  
I crept slowly down the stairs and into the garage. Shadows created horrific looking creatures on the walls. The car looked like some sort of scary movie prop. My blood rushed in my ears and I just wanted out. Had to get out.  
  
The cold night air blasted me in the face. Icy fingers clawed at my throat. I almost couldn't breathe. I didn't realise the night would be so cold. Or maybe it was my heart.  
  
I looked up at the house. The attic windows glowed almost magically, like some warm scene in a Christmas picture book. I sighed and looked down at the ground, and my feet moving step by step, away from the house.  
  
I didn't know where I was going, only that I had to go. Had to keep walking. Until the chill reached my bones and I couldn't take another step. My knees went out, my legs folded. I knew I could easily die right there, by the side of the road, and I didn't care. I couldn't go home. Couldn't look them in the eye knowing what I know. Not just Josh. But the lies.   
  
Lies. My whole life. Lies. Why? Why didn't they tell me? There's no reason, nothing I can think that would justify not telling me. If I had known...I would have understood the loneliness. I wouldn't have wondered every day what was wrong with me that I felt so disconnected.  
  
They should have told me!  
  
"Don't hate them, Simon," I heard a voice, like a whisper on the wind, except there was no wind. The effort of raising my head almost took too much. He stood a few feet from me, in Khaki pants and a plaid button down shirt. "They only meant to protect you."  
  
"Josh?" I knew it wasn't real, couldn't be real. Hallucinating. I had to be hallucinating.   
  
He nodded, his hair falling out of place just a little. "They love you, Simon."   
  
"No. They don't. They lied to me."  
  
"They protected you."  
  
"How? How are they protecting me?" I screamed with more strength than I knew I had left.  
  
Josh sighed. Frustrated. Irritated. "In time you will understand." He faded, like a dream. There, then gone. Looking every bit as real as me, every bit as solid as any other person, then faded, almost transparent, and finally gone. Poof. Just gone.  
  
My head fell to the ground. Exhausted. Too tired to move. Just lay here and sleep. Cold. I don't care. Shivering. Teeth clattering. Vibrating. Head ache. I don't care. I want to die. Let me lay here until I die.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I felt like I was flying. Weightless. Free. Surrounded by soft blue sky and fluffy white clouds. And Josh was with me, with angel wings and a golden halo. How corny is that? As soon as I thought it, Josh disappeared and I knew I wasn't flying. Someone was carrying me.  
  
"Is he okay?" I heard the words, recognized the voice, struggled to put a name with it. Lucy. Of course it would be Lucy.   
  
"I don't know. We need to get him to a doctor." Kevin. Kevin was carrying me. Lucy and Kevin, saving me from myself. Again.  
  
I heard Lucy's footsteps quicken. "But he is breathing, right?"  
  
"Yes, he's breathing, Lucy." Kevin sighed. He seemed annoyed. At me? Or Lucy? I wasn't sure. Probably both.  
  
He put me in the back seat of his jeep. I lay as he left me, afraid to move because I didn't want them to know I was awake. I didn't want to be awake. I wanted to see Josh again. Even if it wasn't real. He was real, and he was a part of me. He always had been. I just never knew it until now.  
  
"We should call my parents."  
  
"I know."   
  
Panic rose like bile in my throat. I reached out, struggled to sit up. "No!" Their faces moved in front of my eyes like confetti in a kaleidoscope. I tried, but couldn't focus on either of them. I felt dizzy.   
  
"Simon, you need to see a doctor. Your parents need to know."  
  
"No. Please. Just take me back to your apartment. I'll be okay."  
  
I didn't have to see clearly to know he shook his head. "No, Simon. You're not okay."  
  
"What is going on with you anyway?" Lucy asked.  
  
"Nothing. I went for a walk. Since when is that a crime?" I could feel myself getting weaker as I talked. I couldn't get much weaker than I already was.  
  
"Since you passed out drunk in the kitchen and then you passed out cold by the side of the road where anyone could come along and run you over or worse."  
  
Kevin. Always the voice of reason. Only it wasn't Kevin. It was Josh. Sitting in the front seat, where Kevin had just been. I blinked, and Kevin was there again. I sighed and curled up on the seat. My head throbbed with unbearable pain and I couldn't coordinate my hands to cradle it. Not that that would help anyway. I just wanted to cover my face and cry.  
  
"Just take me home." I whispered. "I just want to go home." But I didn't want to go home. I wanted to go anywhere but home.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter three. Please let me know how you like it. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	4. Paralyzed

Angel Boy  
Chapter 4/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star   
  
  
Chapter 4: Paralyzed  
  
My eyes felt too heavy to open. I didn't want to open them anyway. I wanted to sleep. I felt dizzy, and I wondered how I could feel dizzy when I was laying down with my eyes closed. The room was spinning out around me, that's how. I thought I would puke if I opened my eyes.  
  
I didn't want to puke. Good thing I didn't want to open my eyes either.  
  
I could sense people around me. I wanted them to think I was still asleep, or our of it, or whatever they thought.   
  
Kevin and Lucy? No. I smell Mom's perfume. And Dad's after shave.   
  
Something above my head hummed, like a machine. Damn it. Hospital. I'm in a hospital. Damn it, damn it, damn it.  
  
I wanted to hate Kevin, but I couldn't, really. He only wanted to help. I couldn't blame him for panicking after he found me half dead at the side of the road. That was foolish on my part. I should have made sure I was off the beaten track, far from where Kevin and Lucy would look for me.  
  
Didn't they understand I just wanted to die?   
  
My eyes fluttered against my will.  
  
"Eric!" My mother yelped. "I think he's waking up!" Damn it. I felt her hands on my shoulder and the two of them scrambling to get closer to me. I think my mother would have gotten on the bed if she could.  
  
"Simon? Son? Can you hear me?" Dad cooed in his best counseling voice.  
  
I wanted to shut them out, make them go away. Maybe if I thought about it hard enough they would disappear with a little pop.   
  
I felt Mom's hands in my hair, combing it away from my face. I wanted to scream at her to leave me alone. Just leave me alone! But I didn't have the strength, or the nerve.  
  
I just wanted to go back to sleep, that wonderful black sleep where I didn't know what was going on. Maybe I could hear voices. I kind of remember voices. My parents? Lucy and Kevin? I don't know. I can't remember.  
  
The last thing I remember I was in Kevin's jeep. I thought he must be trying to hit every bump in the road. My body ached. My mind ached. My soul ached.  
  
I remembered screaming. Not me. Lucy. Kevin. The deafening crunch of metal against metal. Tires screeching. Pain. Horrible pain. And blackness.  
  
Kevin wrecked? Did Kevin wreck? I tried to ask, but couldn't. My mouth wouldn't work. No words.   
  
I tried to move, but couldn't. I felt my hands spasm, and pull against a soft cuff. Restraints holding me down. Trapped.  
  
I tried to move my feet. Nothing. I couldn't feel my feet!  
  
Panic rose like bile in my throat. I felt myself straining against the bonds that held me. I couldn't move, couldn't talk. I opened my eyes and I couldn't see. Not blind. Just fuzzy. Blurry.  
  
Mom! Mommy! Save me! What's happening! Mommy! Hold me! The words spiraled in my brain but I only whimpered.  
  
"Shhhh, Simon. Shhhh, baby. I'm here. I'm here." Mom whispered, and I could hear the promise of tears in her voice.  
  
"I'll get the nurse," Dad said and shuffled away from the bed.  
  
Mom kissed my cheek. Her lips felt warm.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Paralyzed.  
  
The doctor said it should be temporary, and I shouldn't have any permanent damage. Of course we won't know until the swelling around my spine goes down.  
  
They said I had a concussion, that's why I was unconscious. I broke my arm, a couple ribs, and my lung collapsed. I was lucky, someone must have been watching out for me, because I got thrown out of the jeep and I should have died.  
  
Oh, I feel lucky, really lucky. So lucky I could just burst into song.   
  
No one has told me anything about Lucy or Kevin. Were they hurt? Killed? They would have told me...Why haven't they told me? They must be dead. That's the only reason...  
  
I can't ask. I'm not sure I want to know.   
  
I haven't said a word to anyone. Maybe I never will. How long could I live without talking? That would take some serious discipline. Elective mutism, I think it's called.  
  
I'm so scared. I don't want to be paralyzed. I'm sixteen years old. I don't want to be confined to a wheel chair.   
  
Dear God, I want to die. Please just let me die. I deserve that. I don't deserve to live. Unless...this...this is my punishment.   
  
I get it now.  
  
Josh? Josh are you here? Nothing. Even my own imagination has left me.  
  
My parents stay with me all the time. One of them always. They promised I would never be alone. I can't tell them that's what I want. That's what I deserve.   
  
I wish they would leave. Don't hospitals have rules about that?   
  
Dear God, is this how you want me to live? Is this my punishment? I would rather be dead. At least then I might be able to see Josh.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter four. I know, I know. You want to know what happened to Lucy and Kevin. Well...Keep reading and you'll find out :) (Truth is I'm not sure yet) I'm off work tomorrow so maybe I'll get the next chapter posted tomorrow night...But it should be up by the end of the week at the latest. Please R/R and let me know what you think! Thanks. Lucky Star (JJsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	5. Victoria

Angel Boy  
Chapter 5/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star   
  
  
Chapter 5: Victoria  
  
She had the most incredible eyes I had ever seen. Blue. Grey. Silver. Electric. Metallic. Eerie. Beautiful. I couldn't choose just one word to describe them. I couldn't stop staring.  
  
She smiled and flipped her head so her hair swung behind her shoulder. I felt a tingling rush of heat spread through me, and I hoped she couldn't see the sudden red tint coloring my cheeks. She had to be the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.   
  
I wondered what brought her here. A car accident? No, she was too beautiful for that. Something more personal. Horses. I didn't know how or why I thought it, but there it was. Horse riding accident. She got thrown off the horse. She looked like a horse person. Equestrian, that's what people who ride horses are called.  
  
Her exercises seemed similar to mine. Maybe she was paralyzed too. Her bright smile and enthusiasm for the work made me doubtful.   
  
"Come on, Simon. Last one. You can do it," my therapist tried to use her best cheer-leader voice. I rolled my eyes at her and did the final repetition. Amy patted my shoulder. "Her name's Victoria."  
  
I almost said 'Who?' out loud, but caught myself and just raised an eyebrow in innocence. Amy laughed and pushed my chair to a new location in the therapy gym.  
  
"Stay here. I'll be right back." She left me where I could see the pretty girl, Victoria, without being too obvious about staring at her. I couldn't help myself. Those eyes. I could not turn away from those eyes.  
  
I wondered if she felt fear. Did she see it coming, whatever happened to her? Did she have time to be afraid?  
  
Her therapist helped her put the weights back on the bar rack. Marie patted her shoulder as Amy had patted mine. They talked. The girl, Victoria, smiled up at her therapist. Marie nodded then moves around behind Victoria's chair. She pushed Victoria toward me and parked her a few feet from me. "Don't move," Marie told her.  
  
"Hey." Victoria smiled at me and raised a hand to her hair. I wondered if that was a self conscious gesture.  
  
I just smiled and nodded. I hadn't spoken a word for more than a month. Silently I cursed Amy and Marie, because I knew what they were doing. Well, it wouldn't work. I wouldn't talk to this girl, this beautiful Victoria, either.   
  
"Marie told me you don't talk, so that's cool. But I wanted to talk to you anyway. Is that okay?"  
  
She looked into my eyes and I felt my whole world shift. There simply are not words to describe those eyes. Incredible. Amazing. Unlike anything I have ever seen.  
  
"I'm Victoria. Marie said your name is Simon. It's nice to meet you, Simon." She offered her hand and I just stared at it. I was afraid to touch it, afraid to touch her. After a few seconds, she placed her hand in her lap and looked dejected. I felt like a fool. I should have shook her hand. What harm could there be in shaking her hand?  
  
She must think I'm an idiot. All the better. I'd hate to see her waste her time on me.  
  
"I won't lie to you, Simon. I've been watching you most of the hour we've been in here. I've been asking Marie a lot of questions. Most of them she wouldn't answer, except your name and she told me you don't talk to anyone. She thought maybe you would talk to me, but I told her I wouldn't be used like that. If you talk to me, that's great, but why would I expect that when you don't even know me? But I want you to know, I did see you looking at me too."  
  
I nodded, and looked down at my hands.  
  
"It's the eyes, I know. Everybody always looks at my eyes. Most people are freaked out by them."  
  
I looked up, shook my head. At least it was more than a nod. And I wanted her to know she wasn't a freak because of her eyes.  
  
"It's okay. I'm used to it. My grandmother has eyes like this too."  
  
I wanted to ask her what happened to her, to see if I was anywhere close to right about the horse thing. I didn't want to hear about her grandmother's eyes or how other people reacted to her. I'm not other people and her eyes didn't freak me out. They fascinated me, and held me spell bound.  
  
She smiled and pushed her hand through her hair again. If I could talk to her, I would tell her she had beautiful hair. It's long and full, shiny, and probably soft to touch. I looked down at my hands again when I realized I wanted to find out for myself. I wanted to run my fingers through it.  
  
I wanted to kiss her, and I licked my lips without meaning to.  
  
I forced my mind to shift to something else. Anything else. Think about walking, running, playing the guitar. Anything but Victoria. Don't think of this beautiful, amazing girl beside you. Don't think about her hair or her lips, kissing her. Think about Lucy upstairs in room 527, and Kevin in 519, both of them flat on their backs and hooked up to machines. Both of them in a coma because of the accident. The accident that happened the night they followed me and tried to save me from myself. I don't deserve to be here, in therapy, getting better. I don't deserve to love.  
  
"Simon? Hey, Simon, are you okay?" I felt her hand on my arm, shaking me.  
  
I blinked and looked at her. I nodded. I felt sick. Victoria's hand moved from my arm to my hand. She laced her fingers in mine and squeezed gently. Reassuring me. I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes and looked down, blinked to force the tears back. I did not want to cry in front of her. She already thinks I'm weird. I didn't want to add to that impression.  
  
"It's okay, Simon. It's okay to cry," Victoria whispered. I shook my head. It's not okay to cry. Crying doesn't change things. Crying won't make Lucy and Kevin wake up. Crying won't help at all.   
  
I jerked my hand away from hers and reached up to rub my temples. The throbbing I felt there only increased. Maybe because I could only use one hand, and rubbing temples is a two-handed job. One hand feels off balance or something.  
  
"I wish you could talk to me. Talking helps, you know?"  
  
I wanted to scream at her to leave me alone. I don't want to talk to her or anyone. But those eyes. Those eyes spoke to me and I knew I could trust her. I wanted to trust her. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to tell her everything. Starting with Josh and my mother's journal. I wanted to tell her about getting drunk and running away. I wanted to tell her about Lucy and Kevin and how they may have both given their life to save mine and I don't deserve it and I don't know how to live like this, paralyzed and alone. I don't want to be alone, but alone is what I deserve.  
  
"But maybe I could talk to you? Maybe that will help you somehow too?" She looked at me as if she expected an answer. I offered a weak, pathetic nod. I nod, I shake my head. That's about it without words.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
End chapter five. Please R/R and let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	6. Victoria's Story

Angel Boy  
Chapter 6/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
Chapter 6: Victoria's Story  
  
I met Victoria the next day after therapy. I wanted to tell her I had thought about her all night, and I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about her, but I couldn't tell her that. Even if I was talking, I couldn't tell her something like that. Too personal. Too intimate.  
  
As much as I wanted to think she was thinking about me too, it felt weird to think she really might have been up all night, unable to sleep because of me. We only met yesterday, and all we know is that each of us has been hurt. I don't even know what happened to her.  
  
She smiled and reached for my hand. I could imagine her, walking, being the center of every party she ever went to. She just had a way about her, a calm, beautiful manner. The kind of personality that made people like her instantly.  
  
"Good afternoon, Simon," She said softly. I felt a shooting stab of guilt because I couldn't answer her greeting. Of course I could, the doctors kept saying I had no physical reason for not talking. I simply chose not to use my voice.  
  
I smiled and gave her a quick hand signal for 'hello'.   
  
"Do you sign?" She asked.   
  
I shook my head. I know the entire alphabet and a few simple signs I learned in a class somewhere along the way. I don't even remember what class. English, maybe, when we talked about the evolution of the English language.  
  
"Good, I don't either."  
  
I smiled, a pathetic attempt at laughing.  
  
"Are you hungry? I'm starved. I thought we could go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat."  
  
I nodded. I followed her lead because even though the hallways were wide and we could maneuver our wheel chairs side by side, the doorways tended to be narrower, and only one would fit through at a time. I did not want the responsibility of leading the way.  
  
We took our plates of mystery meat and vegetables to a table toward the back corner. Victoria made enough comments about the uncertain origin of the food to cover both of us.  
  
She took a bite and grimaced. Then she laughed. "It's really not so bad."  
  
I'd just have to take her word for it. I should have gotten a salad, but the bar seemed a little too high from my seated position. I picked at the vegetables, a medley of peas and carrots.   
  
"So," Victoria said after a long silence, and I was beginning to regret this little adventure. "I guess you're wondering what happened to me? I'm curious about you too, but none of the nurses will really tell me anything. Maybe we'll just have to find you a pen and paper so you can write it down for me."  
  
I shrugged. What would I write? 'Found out I had a twin but he died when we were born, so I got drunk because my parents lied to me, then my sister and her boyfriend tried to help me and I rejected their help. I wanted to die and I ran away, but Lucy and Kevin followed me and then we were in an accident on the way home and Lucy and Kevin are both in a coma still' The explanation sounded pathetic even to my own ears. Self centered. Victoria would hate me after I told her that. I did this to myself, it's the least of what I deserve.  
  
She stabbed a piece of meat with her fork and just looked at it. "This stuff is really gross." She flipped her hair over her shoulder by jerking her head, the way she did yesterday in the gym.  
  
"I guess I was greedy," She said and for a moment I thought she meant lunch. Expecting the food in the hospital cafeteria to be edible could not in any way be considered greedy. She looked into my eyes, and her eyes had gone dark, like silver-grey storm clouds. I knew she didn't mean the food. She meant her accident. How she wound up here.  
  
I wanted to look away, but couldn't. Those eyes held me in their spell.  
  
She took a deep breath. She could take her time, she had to know I wouldn't interrupt her. "I was good enough to make the team, and everyone knew it. They joked about it. I didn't even have to try out, I'd get a spot on the team anyway."  
  
I had no idea what she was talking about. What team? She didn't look very tall, so I ruled out basketball. Basketball. What other sports do girls play on their own teams? I couldn't think.  
  
"Gymnastics," she said. She must have realized I was trying to figure it out. "I'm a gymnast. The Olympic Team tryouts. I knew, despite the jokes, I had to prove myself. Just like everyone else. I couldn't just assume I would get a spot, I had to earn it. And some of those girls are good. Really good. I didn't want to be an alternate."  
  
I nodded. I could kind of relate. Like being in my family. It's so easy to get lost in the shuffle, to get over looked, no matter how good you are. Not quite the same thing, but similar concepts.  
  
"I wanted to be the team. I wanted to be the girl who held the team together. I wanted to be the one the other girls looked up to."  
  
I still didn't think that made her greedy. Motivated. Inspired. Not greedy.  
  
"I wanted to show them I was the best. Better than anyone. My first routine was the balance beam. I could do it in my sleep. But the pressure was on. This was it, the final Olympic tryout. Everything had to be perfect. No room for mistakes. I hesitated after my first jump, and cursed myself for it. Unacceptable, I told myself. But I would make up for it with the next jump. I'd jump a little higher, make my turn a little fancier.  
  
"I came down hard on the beam and my foot slipped. I could feel myself falling and I just thought, 'This is not happening. Oh God. This is not happening' but it was happening and I was on the ground and I couldn't move. I could hear the girls around me, screaming and some of them crying, and I knew I was in serious trouble.  
  
"My coach pushed his way through the circle of girls around me and knelt beside my head. He said 'Lay still, Victoria. Don't try to move. It's all right. I'm here.' But I felt trapped. Trapped inside my own body. I couldn't move. And as I looked at Geoffrey, my vision started to blur.   
  
"The next thing I knew, I was here. In the hospital."  
  
I think I would have been too stunned to say anything if I was talking. I just looked at her, and the tears filling her eyes. Those eyes were pure silver now, the metallic color intensified with emotion and memory.  
  
I felt like an idiot. My story paled compared to hers. An Olympic hopeful. She shouldn't be associating with me. I'm just a preacher's kid. A small town boy who tried to run away the second things get a little rough for him.  
  
All the more reason to keep my mouth shut.  
  
I hadn't seen Josh since before the accident with Kevin and Lucy, and I had given up on him. He wasn't real anyway, so why would I care to see him? He's just a projection of my imagination, a manifestation of wanting to see him so badly that my mind created his likeness.  
  
And he was there. In the hospital cafeteria, with Victoria and me. I tried to ignore him, because Victoria would really turn from me if she knew I had an imaginary twin brother, even if he was based in reality.   
  
"Stop being such a baby, Simon," Josh whispered, as if he didn't want Victoria or anyone else to hear. "Suck up, and tell her your story. Let her decide if she still wants to be your friend. That's her choice anyway, and you don't have the right to try to make it for her."  
  
He had a point, and I realised he was making a point I already knew. I couldn't use my silence to manipulate Victoria. As much as I liked her, and she seemed to like me, I didn't want our friendship based on lies. She had told me her pain, and I owed her at least that much. I had to find a way to tell her about Josh and the accident and everything.  
  
I glanced at the seat beside Victoria, where Josh had been. Empty. No Josh. I wasn't sure if I was glad for it, or frightened by it.  
  
Victoria wiped her face with her napkin. The turn of her mouth told me she thought I would reject her after her story. Maybe she thought I thought she was a jerk for being so 'greedy' as she called it.  
  
"Vic..." I started, and my voice sounded so scratchy and foreign to me. I coughed to try to clear my throat.   
  
She shook her head. "Don't. Simon. Please. I didn't tell you this to get you to talk."  
  
I shook my head too, though it was a weak gesture from my end. I tried again to say her name. Nothing more than a whisper came out.  
  
"I just wanted you to know."  
  
I nodded. I felt like such a fool. She must think I'm the idiot of the year. I *am* the idiot of the year. What was I thinking? Who was I trying to punish by not talking? My parents? Probably. In the end, right now, I wound up punishing myself because I couldn't talk to this beautiful, heartbroken girl sitting across from me.  
  
"Please don't try to talk, Simon. Just knowing someone is listening to me helps."  
  
"Sure, it helps, but it's not enough," Josh whispered. I looked for him, but couldn't see him. "She needs you as much as you need her, Simon," he added, his voice growing weaker. "Don't let her go because you're too stubborn to ask for help."  
  
Josh was gone. I knew it, I felt it. He was gone. Once and for all. Gone.  
  
I looked at Victoria with tears in my eyes. She saw them and her expression turned to one of concern. She wheeled her chair to my side of the table and took my hands in hers. "Simon, please don't cry. Don't cry for me."  
  
I looked down and the first tears dripped from my eyes.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 6. Please R/R and let me know what you think! Feedback means so much. Thank you to everyone who has sent reviews. I cherish each one. Thanks again! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	7. Something's Wrong

Angel Boy  
Chapter 7/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star   
  
  
Chapter 7: Something's Wrong  
  
Victoria had told me her story. I owed it to her to tell mine. But not here. Not in a crowded horrible-smelling hospital cafeteria.   
  
We left our food trays on the table and went out in search of a deserted waiting room. I didn't want an audience when I tried to talk and tell my story.  
  
What would I tell her? What could I say that would even compare to what she had told me? An Olympic hopeful and a preacher's kid. Not much to compare.  
  
I opened my mouth to talk, but could barely make a sound.   
  
Victoria reached out to me and patted my lag. I looked away, and felt my stomach flip-flop. I didn't want her sympathy. I didn't want anyone's sympathy.   
  
I didn't deserve any of it. I did this. I read my mother's journal which I had no business reading. I freaked out and got drunk and ran away and almost died. I caused the accident that almost killed Lucy and Kevin, and they still might die. I thought I was making a statement by refusing to talk. I only hurt myself, and I'm the only one to blame.  
  
"Simon, it's okay. You don't have to do this."  
  
Good, because I don't want to. I just want to go home. I want things to be the way they were before. I want Lucy and Kevin to be okay. I want to go home and forget about Josh and not talking and everything.  
  
I want to wake up and realize this is all just a dream. A crazy, mixed up dream. A nightmare.   
  
But it isn't. It's real.  
  
I felt a spasm come on, and when it shook my body, I felt something pinch in my back. Tears sprang to my eyes and I looked down, trying to hide that from Victoria.  
  
"Simon?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Simon, what is it? What's wrong?"  
  
How could I tell her nothing, and leave me alone, when I couldn't talk? I shook my head again, but she only moved her chair closer to mine and put her hand at the back of my head. I looked up at her and the tears leaked from my eyes to stream down my cheeks.  
  
*Simon, something's wrong. Something's wrong. I have to get help. I'm going to get a nurse."  
  
I grabbed her arm to stop her, and when she looked at me, I held her gaze for a moment then shook my head. "I...I...f...fi...fine."  
  
"No you're not."  
  
I started to nod, but the truth was I felt a tightening around my heart, like I couldn't take another breath. I looked at her, my eyes wide, but everything seemed to fade into black shadows.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I know it's short. But I wanted to get a new chapter posted before you guys forgot about the story. And my regular readers know I love a good cliff hanger ending (BTW-I love you guys! You provide so much inspiration and motivation! Keep reading and know I appreciate you!) It's no excuse but...I've been really busy and a little blocked. I think my muse went to visit her family for the holidays and forgot to come back...So I'll just have to keep writing and hope she makes her way home soon. Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	8. Realizations

Angel Boy  
Chapter 8/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star   
  
  
Chapter 8: Reflections  
  
My first thought was that I must have died. Maybe this is what heaven feels like. I feel free. Weightless, boundless. Totally free. I feel like I'm flying, like my feet can't touch the ground and I don't want to anyway. I want to stay like this forever.  
  
The euphoria slowly faded, turning to a vague awareness of the room around me as my head tried to clear. I knew then I wasn't in heaven, or anywhere close to it. Hell seemed a more appropriate description.  
  
My whole body ached, every muscle seemed to pull in a different direction. I thought if I could move, just a little, I could relieve some of the pressure, but I didn't want to move because I didn't want anyone to know I was awake.  
  
Let them keep talking to my still form, let them keep crying and praying for my recovery. At least someone was praying for it.   
  
I just wanted to die.  
  
Everyone would be better off without me around, any fool knew that was true. I had destroyed my family, and I didn't deserve to live.   
  
"Eric! He blinked! I think he's waking up!" I recognized my mother's voice, and my father moved closer to my bed. I could feel both of them touching me. Mom held my hand, Dad put his hand on my arm..  
  
They have no idea what I have done. They don't realize it's all my fault. I did this, I'm responsible for Lucy and Kevin, and everything. If they knew that, if they knew what I had done, they would be with Lucy right now, not me. Why aren't they with Lucy? She needs them, she deserves them at her side. She didn't do anything wrong, except try to help me when I was too far gone already. She should have just left me to die like I wanted.   
  
Dear God, why won't you let me die? Send me to Hell, I don't care. I know I wouldn't be welcome in Heaven after the things I've done.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Don't be so hard on yourself," the words filled my head, and I knew it was Josh again. He wasn't gone after all.  
  
He was sitting on the footboard of my bed.  
  
I have always believed in spirits, but not quite like this. Not the ability to present in a human form. Josh was with me, and had been with me always, but this image of him was nothing more than my mind trying to see him and create him and make him real.  
  
"You know they love you, and they only want you to get well, no matter what you've done," Josh added.  
  
If he had been a real person, I would have felt anger at his suggestion. No one knew what I had done, no one knew how immature and stupid I had been. No one except me and God.  
  
"You're not real," I told him, and unless my eyes were playing tricks on me, he seemed to pale a little. He barely looked human now, mostly transparent, ot even ghostly.  
  
"But you are," he started, and I could sense him losing strength. "You're their son. You read your mother's journal. You saw in her own handwriting just how blessed she felt when you were born. They should have lost both babies, Simon, but somehow you survived. Your parents love you, and they will forgive you if you just give them the chance."  
  
"Shut up," I glared at him, or what was left of him. He was slowly dissolving into the air. "I wish I never read that stupid notebook." In saying that I knew I was saying goodbye to him, and this was it. Whatever he said now would be the last of it, the last of him.  
  
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Simon. Don't shut out the ones who love you. They are your strength and your redemption. Reach out to them and let them help you."  
  
I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side, away from him. I'm much too old to project my thoughts through an imaginary friend.  
  
"They won't blame you, Simon. They love you. They just want you to get better." His voice faded with each word until he was gone.   
  
Finally.  
  
Tears stung my eyes at the realization I had pushed him away. But that's crazy, because he isn't real. He can't be real. He's my conscious, or my subconscious trying to voice my real thoughts.  
  
I don't want to die. I want my mother to hold me in her arms and tell me it's okay, everything will be okay. I want Mom to tell me she loves me no matter what. Nothing matters, except me and it's okay. I'm going to be okay.  
  
I thought I felt her hands in my hair, stroking it away from my face. Lips, softly pressed to my forehead, and a gentle squeeze on my hand.  
  
"You're going to be just fine, baby," she whispered, and I felt myself nod in response.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 8. Thanks to all of you who read and review, I love you guys! Anyway, keep those reviews coming. Now that the hectic holiday season is more or less over at work, I'm hoping I will have more time (and energy!) to write...Until then, please read and review, and know I appreciate you! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	9. Kevin

Angel Boy  
Chapter 9/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star   
  
WARNING: Character death. I hate to put that here, because some of you will figure it out before it's revealed, but...I feel I have to put the warning up there, so people who don't want to read about a character death don't have to feel tricked. But I hope you will read if you've come this far because I have big plans for this story...So sit back, relax, and enjoy if you dare. Oh, and don't forget to review, but as usual, please don't waste time with flames. Thanks!  
  
Chapter 9:   
  
Kevin's brother Ben stood in my doorway, looking like he had just lost his best friend. Or his brother, I realized with a shock.  
  
"Reverend Camden? Could we talk, outside?"  
  
"Sure, Ben," Dad stood up and glanced at me. I nodded at him, I would be fine alone for a few minutes. Alone is what I wanted to be anyway. "Is everything okay?" Dad asked but I didn't hear Ben's answer.  
  
They were outside for several minutes, I couldn't really judge the time too well. Long enough for me to flip through the channels on the TV twice.   
  
I wondered if Kevin had died. Ben's eyes were swollen from crying, his nose was red, and he looked pale.   
  
I knew it when Dad came back into the room, and walked up to my bedside. "Son," he started, and his voice shook just slightly. He reminded me of the night Lucy's friends Sarah and Jen were in a fatal car accident.   
  
He took my hand in his. He felt so warm, and alive, and she smelled like Old Spice after shave. "Son, I have some bad news."  
  
"Kev...Kevin," I whispered, my voice rough and scratchy from disuse.  
  
He nodded. "His mother and Patty Mary and Ben made the decision to take him off life support. He died about an hour ago. Your mother was with him too."  
  
Dad looked over his shoulder to Ben, standing in the doorway looking like a wooden statue. He looked like hell, though. At least, unlike his brother, Ben proved he was capable of emotion every now and then.  
  
I closed my eyes. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say, and I probably couldn't say it anyway.   
  
"I'm going to go up and check on your mother and Kevin's mother and Patty Mary. Ben will stay with you for a little while, if you want."  
  
I opened my eyes, looked at Ben, then nodded. "Okay," I whispered.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'I want to see Lucy,' I wrote on the notepad my mother bought for me in the gift shop. I had started talking, but my voice needed time to get used to it, so I wrote a lot of notes.  
  
Ben looked at the words and shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Simon. Wait for your parents to come back. They would want to take you."  
  
I stared at him, and narrowed my eyes to try to look more angry. After a few seconds I scribbled furiously across the page. 'I want to see my sister, damn it, and you will take me to her.'  
  
"I really don't think I should, Simon."  
  
"Yes!" I yelped with as much strength as my throat could handle. "My...sister! Take...me!" I stumbled between each word, but I said it.   
  
Ben looked torn, and I knew I was being unfair to him, but I felt a burning need to see Lucy, and so far my parents had denied my request to go up to her room, saying they didn't want me to be upset at seeing her. I didn't care about how she looked, especially now. I just wanted to see her. I wondered if anyone had told her about Kevin, and if she could hear people talking to her.   
  
"Please..." I added as an after thought. I scribbled more on my notepad. 'You know what it's like to lose a sibling, Ben. Please. I need to see Lucy. I need to see that she is hanging in there.'  
  
"All right, but if we get in trouble, you're taking the blame."  
  
"Okay," I nodded.  
  
Ben helped me into the wheel chair and pushed me to the elevators. I said a silent prayer that my parents would still be with Kevin's mother and sister, so I could see Lucy alone.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
She looked dead, laying flat on her back with tubes and wires all over the place. But the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the hum on the monitors assured me she was alive.   
  
I wheeled my chair as close to her bedside as I could get. She had a faded bruise on her forehead, where she hit the dashboard, probably.   
  
"Hey, Luce." I reached out to touch her cheek, leaning way over in my chair. I couldn't hold the position for long, and had to sit back and take her hand in mine instead. "It's me, Simon." I wanted to tell her how sorry I was because I couldn't see her sooner, but I didn't want to over do it, and there were other, more important things I needed to say.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Luce. I never meant..." my voice cut in and out, but I kept going. I couldn't stop on account of my weak voice. "I never meant to hurt anyone but myself. But Kevin...Kevin's gone, Luce. His mom is here. She took him off life support today."  
  
I bent my head and rested it on my arm. I swear I felt her fingers move, but when I looked up she looked just the same. "I'm so sorry Luce. So sorry..."  
  
A single tear slipped out of her eyes and rolled down her cheek. I brushed it away and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "It's okay, Luce. You're going to be okay. I promise." Tears filled my eyes too and I sat back to wipe at them.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
That's the end of chapter 9. Wow. 9 chapters already. Seems like only yesterday Iw as writing chapter one. Anyway, please tell me what you think, without flaming me for killing Kevin. That's what works for me, for this story. And I'm the writer so I'll do what I want. Thanks to Cypher for the pep-talk and encouragement of ideas...You inspired me to get cracking on this chapter. I hope it's worth the wait! Thanks to all who read, you guys ar the best, especially if you review! Take care, Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	10. Victoria's Visit

Angel Boy  
Chapter 10/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
Chapter 10: Healing  
  
I hadn't seen Victoria for three days when she came to my room. She seemed hesitant to come in, and embarrassed to be there. I felt the same, more or less. I was glad she came to see me, but it felt awkward, and I really didn't know what to say to her.  
  
She stayed close to the door, like she was afraid to come too close. "I heard about your sister's boyfriend, and I wanted to let you know I'm really sorry."  
  
I shook my head. I wondered if she knew I had started talking. Not much, because my throat still felt raw and grainy. I kept the notebook close by, and used it about half the time. The doctor said I needed to take it slow and not try to do too much too soon.  
  
"It's not your fault."  
  
"I know. But I'm still sorry." She didn't seem surprised that I spoke. "And it's not your fault either, Simon."  
  
"Yes, it is. I killed him as sure as if I put a gun to his head."  
  
She just looked at me with a narrow-eyed look, like she was trying to decide if she should pursue the issue. She finally shook her head, then pushed her hair out of her face and sighed. "It's good to hear you talking."  
  
"My voice isn't back to normal yet. My speech therapist said that will take a while."  
  
She looked like she had second thoughts about visiting me, and she wanted to get out of my room. I couldn't blame her. I had thought about going to se her several times, but never got around to doing it. Never forced myself to bite the bullet and do it, would be more accurate. After the way I passed out on her last time I saw her, I wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to see me again.  
  
Not only that. I feel inferior next to her. Victoria, the Olympic hopeful, shot down by a devastating injury. And me, Simon, the idiot boy who freaked out when he found out his parents kept his dead twin a secret from him all his life. I wanted to die, and instead I had killed my sister's boyfriend. And Lucy still had a long road of healing ahead of her.  
  
"How is your sister?" Victoria asked suddenly.  
  
"She's doing better. At least that's what the tell me."  
  
"Have you seen her?"  
  
I nodded. "The day Kevin died. I asked Kevin's brother to take me to see her." And she had started showing improvement almost immediately. I would never say anything about that, but I wondered if she started getting better because she knew I was okay. I've heard of that happening between siblings before. Why not me and Lucy?  
  
"Well, I'm glad she's doing better. What about you? How are you doing?"  
  
I shrugged. I knew she didn't mean physically. And I really didn't want to discuss my mental state with her, or anyone. "I'm okay."  
  
"Last time you told me that you checked out for a little while."  
  
"What do you want me to say, Victoria?"  
  
Her turn to shrug. She closed her eyes for a moment, making me wonder what she was thinking, why she really came to see me. "I don't want you to say anything, Simon. I just...I wanted to see for myself that you are okay."  
  
"I am." My throat felt raw. I reached for the pitcher of water on the bedside table, but my hand shook and I dropped it, spilling water everywhere. "Damn it."  
  
"I'll clean it up," Victoria offered, and headed to the bathroom for a towel. I hated to let her do it, but I had little choice, since I couldn't get out of the bed on my own. So I watched her sop up the water. "Do you want me to get you a drink?"  
  
"Please," I whispered hoarsely.  
  
She took the pitcher and filled it in the bathroom. She poured a glass for me. Our hands touched when I took it from her, and I felt a shock of heat surge up my arm. I think she must have felt it too, because she turned away suddenly, but not before I saw a pink hue touch her cheeks.  
  
"I should get back to my room," She wheeled her chair toward the door. "My parents said they would stop by later this afternoon..."  
  
I took a sip of my water so I wouldn't have to say anything. But at the same time I couldn't stand the sight of her leaving because I knew if she left now I would probably never see her again, except in the therapy room.   
  
"Wait. Please."  
  
She stopped, but didn't turn to look at me.  
  
I felt like crying. Victoria was my best friend, the only friend I had really because none of my so-called 'normal' friends ever visited me in the hospital. Not that I blamed them, but...but I couldn't help but think Victoria might be my only friend left.  
  
"I don't want you to go." What a time for my voice to fail. Completely. I said the words, but not a sound came out. She sighed. And I knew she was about to leave because she thought I didn't say anything. I reached for my notebook and dropped the pen.  
  
I hit my hand on the side of the bed and hoped she would turn at the sound. She did, and I could only stare at her and the tears on her cheeks.   
  
"Oh Simon," she whispered, and I felt something inside of me pull toward her.   
  
I held up my notebook, then pointed tot he floor to show her I had dropped the pen. She nodded and moved her chair back to my bedside.   
  
"It's okay. I understand. I'm sorry. I don't know why I was acting like that."  
  
I shook my head. She wasn't acting like anything. I'm the one who was acting like a jerk and I didn't even mean to. I tried again, and my voice carried just enough volume to be heard. "I don't want you to go."  
  
She reached for my hand and squeezed it hard. "I'm not going anywhere." I wanted to kiss her. I would have kissed her if I could have done it gracefully. And the next thing I knew, she was sitting up and leaning in to kiss me.   
  
Our lips touched and fireworks went off in my head. I felt like I could fly.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 9. I hope you guys are liking the story. Please let me know in review. Thanks! You guys are the best! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	11. Leaving

Angel Boy  
Chapter 11/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
Chapter 11: Leaving  
  
I felt a stab of regret when Victoria pulled away from the kiss. She settled back in her chair with a little sigh, and reached around to rub her lower back.  
  
"Wow..." was all I could say, even though I wanted to ask if she was okay, if she had hurt herself, and I wanted to tell her how amazing that kiss was. I've never felt anything like it. Nothing even close to it. It was like fireworks going off in my head, a swirl of color and light, and a warm, calm feeling. So many things I wanted to say, and I could only manage to say "Wow." A simple, nondescript word for the most incredible experience of my life.  
  
I smiled at her. She had a smile that could light up a room, except she wasn't smiling. She looked...sad. Something like regret flashed in her eyes. But how? How could she regret kissing me? Could she really think kissing me was a mistake?   
  
How could she not feel what I had felt?  
  
She blinked, fighting back tears. "I'm sorry, Simon. I shouldn't have..." her voice cracked like a preteen.  
  
"What? No!" I wanted to reach out and stroke her hair, her cheek, her shoulder...anything. But I couldn't reach her even if I sat up and leaned over. "Don't be sorry, Tory. It was...It was perfect."  
  
"I know." She wiped both of her eyes with the backs of her hands. "I know it was perfect. I knew it would be perfect. That's why...That's why I'm sorry."  
  
I stared at her, trying to wrap my head around her words. How could she be sorry? How could she say she knew it was perfect, kissing me was perfect, and she was sorry? "Tory...that doesn't make sense..."  
  
"Yes, it does. Simon. Listen to me." Two rivers of tears flowed down her cheeks as if a gate opened somewhere to start the stream. She made no move to dry her eyes now. She looked down, tears dripping onto her lap. She looked up again after a moment, and her face reminded me of someone who had just lost their best friend. I hated my stupid, paralyzed body, because I couldn't go to her. I couldn't take her in my arms and make her feel better. I couldn't hold her to my chest and whisper in her ear that everything will be okay, whatever it is.  
  
She took a deep breath, a breath for courage. "I'm leaving tomorrow."  
  
"You're...leaving?"  
  
She nodded and looked down again. "I'm going home. I found out a couple days ago. I guess that's why Id idn't come see you. I was afraid..."  
  
"Afraid?" I felt like a parrot, or a broken record, or a love sick teenager, half crazy with my feelings for her.   
  
She looked up, and into my eyes. Her eyes had a silver metallic glow to them, like a character in a science fiction story. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here at all. I should have just..."  
  
"Just what? Just left without saying goodbye? Without giving me your phone number and your address?" I felt the flush in my cheeks, the promise of tears in my eyes. I closed my eyes, only briefly because I wanted to look at her aas long, and as much, as I could before she had to go.   
  
I tried to call out to Josh, because he would know what to do. If I hadn't pushed him away. He wasn't real anyway, I knew that. He was simply a manifestation of my own thoughts and desires. He told me only what I already knew I needed to do.  
  
He would tell me to do whatever I had to do to kiss her.   
  
I wanted to kiss her. I really did. But she was too far away, sitting back in her chair. I would fall out of the bed if I tried to reach her, and that would be a total disaster.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Would you quit saying that, please? Please stop saying that."  
  
She gnawed on her bottom lip and glanced at the door. She wanted to get away. She wanted to leave and never look back. After that kiss, that wonderful, amazing, earth shattering kiss, she wanted to leave.   
  
"I'm in love with you, Simon Camden."  
  
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I blinked several times and pressed my hands to my eyes to stop the swirling kaleidoscope of colors vibrating through my mind. She loved me? She kissed me and said she was sorry and it was perfect but she had to leave tomorrow, which meant I might never see her again, and then she said she's in love with me?  
  
"I..."  
  
"You don't have to say it back."  
  
"Yes I do. I do, Victoria. I love you too." My brother Matt always told me I would know when I was in love. I'd never felt like I was in love with any one before. I never even wanted to date anyone. Could it be that I was waiting for Victoria? Finding out about Josh, the car accident, and Kevin's death seemed like a lot to have to go through to find the one girl I was meant to find, but suddenly it all seemed worth it. Suddenly the whole world seemed different. Better. Brighter. More beautiful. "I want to kiss you again." I whispered.  
  
She shook her head. "We shouldn't. Simon, I'm going home tomorrow..."  
  
"So? So you ask your parents to bring you here to see me until I go home then we'll work something out."  
  
"My parents won't bring me back here, Simon. I live two hours away."  
  
Suddenly life seemed more cruel than it ever had before. I'd fallen in love, kissed the girl of my dreams, and had my heart torn from my chest all in the same day. All in the space of five minutes, actually.   
  
"I'm sorry, Simon."  
  
"Stop saying you're sorry and just kiss me. Please."  
  
She was torn, and I wasn't helping the situation. I should have let her go. We were young, we could both find someone else. Someday. But who would want someone who may be in a wheelchair all his life? Someone else faced with the same possibility...  
  
"Simon..."  
  
"Please..."  
  
"I didn't know it would be this hard..."  
  
"It doesn't have to be. Tory, we can work something out. We can. My parents...they'll help us see each other. I know they will."  
  
She nodded, but I knew she didn't believe me. How could she? Why would she? Two hours is a long way. But I wouldn't let a few miles keep me from the girl I loved. I would never love anyone like I loved Victoria. I didn't want to ever love anyone else anyway.  
  
"Kiss me, please because I can't come to you."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 11. I'm so evil. I just love to leave my chapters in a cliff hanger. Will she kiss him or run away? You'll just have to stay tuned and wait for the next chapter...Until then, take care. Happy reading, and happy writing for the writers. As for me, I'm off to work. Argh. I don't like this day job and night job thing. Ah well. At least I'm squeezing in a little writing time...So please review me so I know you're reading. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	12. Hiding Things

Angel Boy   
Chapter 12/?  
A 7th Heaven fan fic by Lucky Star  
  
First an apology to my readers because I have neglected this story far too long...There's no excuse for it I know, but the good news is that my second job is wrapping up on April 15, and that means more time for the important things, like writing...So just bear with me a little longer...  
  
But I'm here to talk about the fic, Angel Boy. The first 11 chapters have been seen exclusively through Simon's eyes, but chapter 12 refused to cooperate until I gave Victoria the pencil...I hope it proves to be worth the wait...  
  
Chapter 12:  
  
~Victoria~  
  
"Come here and kiss me," he said and I knew I couldn't refuse. I would never deny him anything. "Because I can't come to you," he finished, his voice full of love and passion far beyond his years.  
  
Simon Camden was the perfect guy. Absolutely perfect. The kind of guy every girl dreamed about, the kind of guy who wouldn't have cared that I was an Olympic gymnast.  
  
I moved forward, and he leaned toward me to meet me halfway. Our lips met and my eyes closed and I wanted to stand toe to toe with him, our bodies pressed together, arms around each other, fingers in the hair, two hearts beating as one.  
  
I never wanted the kiss to end, but a sudden wave of pain ricocheted up my spine forcing me to pull back. His hands fell limply to his sides, a clear sign that he didn't want it to end either. If things were different, if we weren't both prisoners held in check by our broken bodies...but no. There was only heartbreak waited in the wings of that fantasy.  
  
knew I would never see Simon again after I lef tthe hospital, unless he convinced his parents to bring him to my house. That might happen once or twice. Maybe three times if his parents were really as cool as he said they were, but even the coolest parents had to have their limts and asking them to drive two hours each way to take their paralysed son to see his paralysed girlfriend was asking a lot.  
  
Girlfriend. The word rolled around my mind like a tumbleweed. Was I his girlfried? Dare I even think it? Would he even want me? He would be a loving, loyal, attentive boyfriend, nd no doubt he would make an amazing lover, not some cheap one night stand like most of the guys I knew who only wanted the prestige of dating a gymnast with Olympic potential. Those guys wouldn't look twice at me now, except to stare out of pity. Simon wasn't like that, wouldn't ever be like that.  
  
Simon was the kind of guy who would wait until he was really in love before he had sex with a girl. He might even want to wait until he was married, and I didn't think it had anything to do with the fact he was a preacher's kid. He was a good guy, a real, down to earth guy with a good head on his shoulders. Simon Camden respected people, even girls.   
  
But what would he think of me if he knew I was really little more than a cheap whore before the accident took my legs?  
  
"Tory?" his voice cut into my thought. I blinked and looked at his face, his perfect, baby-smooth face, and those intense green eyes staring back at me. "What are you thinking?"  
  
The question was completely innocent because he was completely innocent and he had no idea what I was thinking. I looked down at my hands and took a deep breath, trying to think of something cleaver to say, and hoping I didn't blush and give myself away.  
  
"I love you." The words fell out of my mouth before I realized what I had said. So much for not blushing, I could feel the heat darken my skin.  
  
"Oh Tory..." he started.  
  
I shook my head. I had no right to say those words to him. Three simple little words, but their meaning was anything but simple.   
  
"I'm sorry..." I stammered and tried to turn my chair around to the door, but the wheels were locked and I was crying and I couldn't see and I couldn't coordinate my hands to unlock the wheels to make my escape. After a few frustrating seconds I gave up and just covered my face with my hands and cried.  
  
But then his hands were on my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. I wanted him to take me in his arms and hold me so I could cry on his shoulder, because I knew I would feel safe and warm in his embrace. but he couldn't do it and neither could I and it didn't matter because after this day we would probably never see each other again.  
  
"Tory..." he said my name so softly I wasn't really even sure he said anything at all, but I looked up at him and he smiled with tears in his eyes. "I love you too."  
  
How could he love me? How could I love him? We barely knew each other. A hospital was hardly a place to get to know someone...but I knew I did love him, and he did love me and that was possibly the worst thing that could have happened to each of us.  
  
I had to leave soon. Soon but not yet. I could either waste the precious little time we had left by sitting stubbornly in my chair fighting the confusion inside me or I could go to him. I kissed him again, I had to. It was all I could do.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 12. I know it's short, but hopefully it's worth the wait. Again I'm sorry it's been so long since this story was updated. Thanks for being patient, you guys are the best! ~Lucky Star (JJsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


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